I know I haven't posted for a long time, but I'm still here ... had a scary start to the year - routine CT showed up 'something' on my liver, and a change in my left lung ... followed up with an MRI ... the liver thing turns out to be a benign haematoma (thank you Lord!) ... and the lung thing has added 1 millimetre to its size over 18 months. The oncology team are going to keep an eye on it - another CT in June to look forward to. There's not enough of it to biopsy, so we don't know whether it's a secondary from one of the breast cancers or from the sarcoma or something new, but at this stage they're not particularly worried about it. Anyway - the sun is shining and I'm 11 years older than I evr thought I'd be when all this started :-) life is good.
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I've not posted for a while ... Things have been going pretty well. I've started getting involved in things again, doing a bit of scriptwriting for the local Mystery Play (not a whodunit - the medieval kind where ordinary folk act out Bible stories on the village green); creating a new puppet video to explore the place of spirituality in the healing journey; working on a collage; starting the reclamation of an overgrown allotment plot to 'grow my own' on; participating in 'Race for Life' ... to the outside world I'm looking good, but I'm really tired most of the time, and the Anastrazole is playing hell with my joints, so when I'm not up and about and being Mrs I've-beaten-it-three-times-wonderwoman I feel pretty low.
Last weekend was the twelvemonth anniversary of my last surgery, and although the wonder woman act had even begun to fool me, I went into meltdown, without even really noticing the date - though it all made sense when I did. The hugeness of what I've been through in the last 12 months really came home to me and scared the daylights out of me. I suppose it's some kind of post traumatic stress - we are, after all, fighting a battle - and we have scars to prove it.
Maybe I'm doing too much. Maybe I'm throwing myself too hard into being 'the old me' because it's the person people want to have around - though in truth I think the people close to me are more than happy to have me here in any state. Maybe I don't want the big C to cheat me out of any more days of being me.
Anyhow, today I've already dealt with unblocking the loo (eew!) and handling the news that the couriers have broken a hugely expensive thing that I sent away yesterday on behalf of my husband's boss (more eew!) and the letter I just opened is an invitation to have my remaining boob mammogrammed on monday (how much eew can fit in one day). But on the upside, I'm still here, I have a rose tree to plant (its not all vegetables on my allotment plot!) and I passed my dance exam with a 'highly commended', and my lovely daughter's coming over for coffee any minute now, before she leaves for her holiday.
I'd appreciate prayers for Monday, as much for 'holding it together' as for a good result. Can't tell you how much I appreciate this group. XXXSign in or sign up to post a comment.