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I've not posted for a while ... Things have been going pretty well. I've started getting involved in things again, doing a bit of scriptwriting for the local Mystery Play (not a whodunit - the medieval kind where ordinary folk act out Bible stories on the village green); creating a new puppet video to explore the place of spirituality in the healing journey; working on a collage; starting the reclamation of an overgrown allotment plot to 'grow my own' on; participating in 'Race for Life' ... to the outside world I'm looking good, but I'm really tired most of the time, and the Anastrazole is playing hell with my joints, so when I'm not up and about and being Mrs I've-beaten-it-three-times-wonderwoman I feel pretty low.
Last weekend was the twelvemonth anniversary of my last surgery, and although the wonder woman act had even begun to fool me, I went into meltdown, without even really noticing the date - though it all made sense when I did. The hugeness of what I've been through in the last 12 months really came home to me and scared the daylights out of me. I suppose it's some kind of post traumatic stress - we are, after all, fighting a battle - and we have scars to prove it.
Maybe I'm doing too much. Maybe I'm throwing myself too hard into being 'the old me' because it's the person people want to have around - though in truth I think the people close to me are more than happy to have me here in any state. Maybe I don't want the big C to cheat me out of any more days of being me.
Anyhow, today I've already dealt with unblocking the loo (eew!) and handling the news that the couriers have broken a hugely expensive thing that I sent away yesterday on behalf of my husband's boss (more eew!) and the letter I just opened is an invitation to have my remaining boob mammogrammed on monday (how much eew can fit in one day). But on the upside, I'm still here, I have a rose tree to plant (its not all vegetables on my allotment plot!) and I passed my dance exam with a 'highly commended', and my lovely daughter's coming over for coffee any minute now, before she leaves for her holiday.
I'd appreciate prayers for Monday, as much for 'holding it together' as for a good result. Can't tell you how much I appreciate this group. XXXSign in or sign up to post a comment.
I'm not sure if I'm gutsy or just plain crazy*, but at the weekend I took an exam in bellydancing! It involved three dance routines (I've been doing this for a while now so the exams get harder) and so that I could complete the exam we filmed the dances, on three separate days, because I still don't have the stamina to do all three in one go. I don't know what it is about dancers, but we don't give up. A young friend also taking exams this time has fought her way back from a stroke that left her partially paralysed and I'm completely in awe of her determination.
I couldn't have done any of this without my lovely daughter, who performed in the duo dance with me, and who's encouraged me every inch of the way both through the treatment, and back onto the dance floor. She's teaching me to waltz now, I think it's her way of telling me it might be a good idea to slow down :-)
*Maybe not as crazy as last year - last year's exam was just before I went in for surgery and I still had biopsy stitches in several places - I lost points on "upper body movement" (yeah, there wasn't a lot of that going on!) but I still got a 'highly commended', and the muscle tone in my middle made the recovery from the TRAM flap reconstruction a whole lot easier.
It's not something I'd ever do in public - even without the 70+ inches of surgery scars - but I can can certainly recommend it for fun and exercise.Sign in or sign up to post a comment.
Got my three-month check-up in a few hours. Dreading it. When I was first diagnosed I naively though the appointments would get easier - 8 years and three cancers in and I get more worked up every time. I suppose it's only natural.Sign in or sign up to post a comment.